nothing goes the way I want it to
Christine is 48, divorced, and became addicted to computers and the Internet when her son left home two years ago. Since then, she's lost her job, her financial circumstances have taken a downward plunge, she's suffering separation anxiety but blames her circumstances on external factors rather than her own lack of direction.
"When my son left," explains Christine, "I had a good job, plenty of money but not much time to go out and socialize so having a computer and an Internet connection at home really helped me get over the hump of being suddenly a single empty nester."
"I thought I'd probably suffer separation anxiety when he left because I've experienced that sort of thing all of my life - being the baby of my family pining when my big brother and sister left home, and then having my heart broken when my husband left me," explains Christine, "but being addicted to the Net meant that I hardly realized I was alone at home. It was great company for me."
Since losing her job, though, Christine has become acutely aware of being alone, being unable to finance her usual lifestyle and being unhealthily dependant upon her computer and Internet connection for company.
"It's no substitute for real people," sighs Christine, "and I'm starting to have a love-hate relationship with the whole thing. I'm also starting to realize that the costs of my Net addiction - particularly relating to my on-line shopping habits - are becoming a huge problem for me now that I am jobless."
"Unless you're independently wealthy - or have a wealthy and indulgent husband," says Christine, "becoming a Net addict is liable to cost you as dearly as any other addiction."
Christine is now making a concerted effort to use the Internet more for job hunting than amusement and shopping, but she despairs about not being able to afford the luxury of Internet access at home for much longer.
"My computer is crashing almost daily," sighs Christine, "and as much as I'd like to buy a new one, I'm smart enough to know that when you're unemployed, like I am, it's pretty stupid to get deeper into debt."
"I'll find a job soon, I know I will," says Christine, "and I just want my computer to hang on until I do and then I'll buy the best one in town because I deserve it!"
Christine wonders how online women - most of whom are low-income housewives or single moms - can afford such an expensive addiction.
"First," says Christine. "there's the initial hardware cost - which is astronomical compared with the price of a television set or some other entertainment unit. Then there's the software costs. And finally there’s the cost of cable, wireless or a dialup connection."
"But the killer cost," sighs Christine, is the cost of maintenance. If you've ever experienced a computer crash, then you'll discover that it's probably cheaper to buy a new PC than go to the expense of getting the old one fixed. Which, of course, explains the veritable global graveyard of broken and obsolete PCs."
In Christine’s experience, though, it is the monitor that is the first bit of hardware to malfunction. She regularly has to buy a new monitor every two years, and they are not cheap.
"I'm sure that monitors must be designed with built-in obsolescence," sighs Christine. "And now just about everyone has a flat-screen I want one, too, but I just can't afford one right now."
And then, of course, there's upgrading. Christine thinks that Bill Gates' fortune was made by female Net addicts like her eager to be the first gal on the block with the latest Windows update.
"How can ordinary women afford all this?" asks Christine. "Especially the single mothers on welfare. Are they feeding their addiction by starving their kids or themselves?"
"Of course," says Christine, "there are always libraries where you can surf for free to your heart’s content - providing that your library has not imposed a time limit - but not all libraries provide free access to other Internet services. If you want to e-mail, chat, play games or apply online for jobs you have to pay for these services."
"It’s not cheap," says Christine, "and if I don’t find a job soon then I'm going to have to make some drastic lifestyle decisions and I won't like that at all."
"I'm an Aries and I've always lived the good life," laughs Christine. "I've never stinted on anything - I want the best and the latest of everything and I want them now! I just hate having to count pennies."
"Damn the war and the offshoring of our jobs!"
Another problem for Christine is that like so many women, she may be a savvy Net addict, but she is technologically challenged.
"I'm simply not interested in learning the technical skills that would enable me to fix problems with my system," confides Christine. "I really don't have the aptitude for tech stuff. I just want to use my PC like I use a car. I want to drive it, not get into its engine and become familiar with every nut and bolt that puts it together."
Christine makes the point that if the cost of owning a PC and being connected to the Internet becomes out of reach for too many people then the Internet will ultimately become accessible only to the rich.
"And that is going to lead to some serious withdrawal symptoms for poor Net addicts like me," says Christine. "Honestly, I can't imagine life without a computer and an Internet connection at home."
"Isn't it amazing how dependant we've become on something that just wasn't around in many homes ten years ago?"
"Pushed to the brink, though, the absolute worst possible scenario," sighs Christine, "if I had to choose between giving up my apartment or my car or my computer and Internet connection then the obvious choice would have to be the thing I love but really don't need for my survival."
"I'm far too young - and too much a go-getting Aries - to give up the good life and join the throngs heading for a 'back to Nature' existence in the hills," laughs Christine, "but I can appreciate why so many people are giving up the materialistic life."
"There's nothing like job loss and impending poverty to bring you to your senses in a hurry about what's a luxury and what's a basic necessity," sighs Christine, "and in my case it's not just money - or lack of it - it's also a horrible sense of alienation similar to that of divorce."
"Sure, I suffered some material losses when my husband divorced me," says Christine. "I went from a palatial house to an apartment - and two incomes to one - but losing him was the most dreadful loss."
"I expected my son to leave me one day," explains Christine, "but I didn't expect in a million years to lose my husband or my job. And by 'job' I don't mean a paycheck or the work itself but the regular company of real human beings. The company I worked for emphasized teamwork - and we all worked well as a team, believing we were valued employees - and yet it dumped most of us in favor of cheap, offshore labor. Crazy isn't it?"
"What I'm trying to say is that being connected to the Internet gives us yet another false sense of belonging," says Christine. "It's a technology that promotes addiction and with it the sort of expenses that are just not necessary for survival. As an adjunct to a normal life it's great, but it's a scary thing when you're alone in life and dependant upon it for company."
"No, I'm not suffering depression - I'm perfectly capable of sorting out my own problems," adds Christine. "It's just that I can't understand why nothing seems to go the way I want it to."
"When my son left," explains Christine, "I had a good job, plenty of money but not much time to go out and socialize so having a computer and an Internet connection at home really helped me get over the hump of being suddenly a single empty nester."
"I thought I'd probably suffer separation anxiety when he left because I've experienced that sort of thing all of my life - being the baby of my family pining when my big brother and sister left home, and then having my heart broken when my husband left me," explains Christine, "but being addicted to the Net meant that I hardly realized I was alone at home. It was great company for me."
Since losing her job, though, Christine has become acutely aware of being alone, being unable to finance her usual lifestyle and being unhealthily dependant upon her computer and Internet connection for company.
"It's no substitute for real people," sighs Christine, "and I'm starting to have a love-hate relationship with the whole thing. I'm also starting to realize that the costs of my Net addiction - particularly relating to my on-line shopping habits - are becoming a huge problem for me now that I am jobless."
"Unless you're independently wealthy - or have a wealthy and indulgent husband," says Christine, "becoming a Net addict is liable to cost you as dearly as any other addiction."
Christine is now making a concerted effort to use the Internet more for job hunting than amusement and shopping, but she despairs about not being able to afford the luxury of Internet access at home for much longer.
"My computer is crashing almost daily," sighs Christine, "and as much as I'd like to buy a new one, I'm smart enough to know that when you're unemployed, like I am, it's pretty stupid to get deeper into debt."
"I'll find a job soon, I know I will," says Christine, "and I just want my computer to hang on until I do and then I'll buy the best one in town because I deserve it!"
Christine wonders how online women - most of whom are low-income housewives or single moms - can afford such an expensive addiction.
"First," says Christine. "there's the initial hardware cost - which is astronomical compared with the price of a television set or some other entertainment unit. Then there's the software costs. And finally there’s the cost of cable, wireless or a dialup connection."
"But the killer cost," sighs Christine, is the cost of maintenance. If you've ever experienced a computer crash, then you'll discover that it's probably cheaper to buy a new PC than go to the expense of getting the old one fixed. Which, of course, explains the veritable global graveyard of broken and obsolete PCs."
In Christine’s experience, though, it is the monitor that is the first bit of hardware to malfunction. She regularly has to buy a new monitor every two years, and they are not cheap.
"I'm sure that monitors must be designed with built-in obsolescence," sighs Christine. "And now just about everyone has a flat-screen I want one, too, but I just can't afford one right now."
And then, of course, there's upgrading. Christine thinks that Bill Gates' fortune was made by female Net addicts like her eager to be the first gal on the block with the latest Windows update.
"How can ordinary women afford all this?" asks Christine. "Especially the single mothers on welfare. Are they feeding their addiction by starving their kids or themselves?"
"Of course," says Christine, "there are always libraries where you can surf for free to your heart’s content - providing that your library has not imposed a time limit - but not all libraries provide free access to other Internet services. If you want to e-mail, chat, play games or apply online for jobs you have to pay for these services."
"It’s not cheap," says Christine, "and if I don’t find a job soon then I'm going to have to make some drastic lifestyle decisions and I won't like that at all."
"I'm an Aries and I've always lived the good life," laughs Christine. "I've never stinted on anything - I want the best and the latest of everything and I want them now! I just hate having to count pennies."
"Damn the war and the offshoring of our jobs!"
Another problem for Christine is that like so many women, she may be a savvy Net addict, but she is technologically challenged.
"I'm simply not interested in learning the technical skills that would enable me to fix problems with my system," confides Christine. "I really don't have the aptitude for tech stuff. I just want to use my PC like I use a car. I want to drive it, not get into its engine and become familiar with every nut and bolt that puts it together."
Christine makes the point that if the cost of owning a PC and being connected to the Internet becomes out of reach for too many people then the Internet will ultimately become accessible only to the rich.
"And that is going to lead to some serious withdrawal symptoms for poor Net addicts like me," says Christine. "Honestly, I can't imagine life without a computer and an Internet connection at home."
"Isn't it amazing how dependant we've become on something that just wasn't around in many homes ten years ago?"
"Pushed to the brink, though, the absolute worst possible scenario," sighs Christine, "if I had to choose between giving up my apartment or my car or my computer and Internet connection then the obvious choice would have to be the thing I love but really don't need for my survival."
"I'm far too young - and too much a go-getting Aries - to give up the good life and join the throngs heading for a 'back to Nature' existence in the hills," laughs Christine, "but I can appreciate why so many people are giving up the materialistic life."
"There's nothing like job loss and impending poverty to bring you to your senses in a hurry about what's a luxury and what's a basic necessity," sighs Christine, "and in my case it's not just money - or lack of it - it's also a horrible sense of alienation similar to that of divorce."
"Sure, I suffered some material losses when my husband divorced me," says Christine. "I went from a palatial house to an apartment - and two incomes to one - but losing him was the most dreadful loss."
"I expected my son to leave me one day," explains Christine, "but I didn't expect in a million years to lose my husband or my job. And by 'job' I don't mean a paycheck or the work itself but the regular company of real human beings. The company I worked for emphasized teamwork - and we all worked well as a team, believing we were valued employees - and yet it dumped most of us in favor of cheap, offshore labor. Crazy isn't it?"
"What I'm trying to say is that being connected to the Internet gives us yet another false sense of belonging," says Christine. "It's a technology that promotes addiction and with it the sort of expenses that are just not necessary for survival. As an adjunct to a normal life it's great, but it's a scary thing when you're alone in life and dependant upon it for company."
"No, I'm not suffering depression - I'm perfectly capable of sorting out my own problems," adds Christine. "It's just that I can't understand why nothing seems to go the way I want it to."
<< Home